Best. Story. Ever.

I don't really have much I can say to improve upon the following block quote. It comes from metro.co.uk (of course) and it is the story of a Russian woman who won a weight-lifting competition. Why is that so awesome? Because she lifted the weight with her knob-gobbler. I'm guessing this competition is not on any of the ESPN channels I get.

A Russian woman has set a new world record in the competitive world of vagina lifting by raising 14kg using her ... hmmm ... well you know. "You insert one of the balls in your vagina, and it has a string attached to it with a little hook at the very end. You fix a second ball onto this hook." Thanks Tatiata. As for how she got into the sport, here she is again.

"After I had a child, my intimate muscles got unbelievably weak. I read books on Dao and learned that ancient women used to deal with this problem using wooden balls.
"I looked around, saw a Murano glass ball and inserted it in my vagina. It took me ages to get it out!
"It's enough to exercise your vagina five minutes a day, ladies,
and in just one week you'll be able to give yourself and your man unforgettable pleasure in bed." [Source: metro.co.uk]

Wow. Wooden balls eh? That sounds...well...splintery. Still, 14kg? That's 30 fucking pounds! I've got a lot of training to do. *picks up boss' glass candy dish* If anyone needs me, I'll be in the john.