Brazil also gets a slow clap

According to the Canadian Broadcasting Channel (What? It can’t always be Cnn and Foxnews), a Brazilian TV host is under investigation for drug trafficking and allegedly organizing a death squad to kill off rival drug dealers and capitalize on their deaths for the sake of his true crime television show. I swear to God this was a Twilight Zone episode with Newman from Seinfeld (except for the drug part).

In one murder after another, the Canal Livre crime TV show had an uncanny knack for being first on the scene, gathering graphic footage of the victims. Too uncanny, said police, who are now investigating the show's host, state legislator Wallace Souza, on suspicion of commissioning at least five of the murders to boost his ratings and prove his claim that Brazil's Amazon region is awash in violent crime. Police also have also accused Souza of drug trafficking.

Naturally, Souza claims he’s being set up by a corrupt system out to get him.

"I was the one who organized legislative inquiries into organized crime, the prison system, corruption, drug trafficking by police, and pedophilia." [Ed. Note: Not sure how that last one fits in but fair enough.]

Souza remains free because of legislative immunity that prevents him from being arrested as long as he is a lawmaker.[Pinching bridge of nose, sighing audibly]. He is being investigated by a special task force, and state judicial authorities will decide whether the case goes forward.
[State police intelligence chief Thomas]Vasconcelos said the crimes appear to have served the Souzas in two ways: They eliminated drug-trafficking rivals, and boosted
ratings.[Source: www.cbc.ca].

This guy apparently became a politician and a TV host in Brazil after he was fired from his job as a police officer for corruption. His former colleagues began an investigation into his television show because his film crews often showed up to the scene of crimes and violent deaths before the police did. Hmmm. There’s the fatal flaw in this plan. Unless you’re Dionne Warwick or Jambi from Pee-wee’s Playhouse, it’s gonna look suspicious when you show up to crimes before they’re reported.

Remind me not to go to the hospital in Paraguay

In surprising news, the usually stellar medical system in Paraguay faced some embarrassment this morning when news broke that a doctor accidentally misdiagnosed a baby as "dead". People are freaking out over this but, to be fair, it's Paraguay. I'm pretty sure there are parts of that country still using dried, ground-up cat testicles from the local apothecary to cure diabetes. There isn't a written article here, so I'm going to try to embed a video (keep in mind I know nothing about computers as I am now and have always been an "outdoor" kid).

http://www.comcast.net/video/-dead-baby-awakens-before-funeral/1209671960/Comcast/1208254231/

When I first saw this article, I remember wondering where this could happen that they don't embalm corpses prior to funerals, but it wasn't really like that. I mean, technically it was before the funeral, but only in the way that what I'm doing right now is before my morning BM. I mean, I'm not sitting on the toilet or anything. This headline made it sound like it was go-time. The best part of this whole situation, though, is undoubtedly the part when the woman was describing what happened when she opened the cardboard box containing the baby corpse. "We got very scared." Haha, well, naturally. George Romero movies are huge in Paraguay. These people should get a medal for realizing it was actually alive and not shooting it in the head.


UPDATE: okay, so I tried really hard (once) to get the video to embed, but it wouldn't, so I left you with the link so that you can watch it on the comcast website.

Which justice system sucks now, Britain?

As you may or may not have noticed, most of my police/justice system incompetance stories comre from metro.co.uk. And all are focused on American incompetence. Today, the UK's Daily Mail, was kind enought to even the score a little with this gem.

A man prosecuted for stealing a 25p [About $0.50 US] banana has been cleared after a trial which cost the taxpayer £20,000. James Gallagher, 23, was accused of stealing the fruit from the Del Villagio restaurant in Birmingham's Bullring shopping centre. But a jury at Birmingham Crown Court jurors took less than half an hour to find him not guilty of burglary and a lesser charge of theft. Speaking after the verdict was delivered, Mr Gallagher said: 'It's shocking, it's just a waste of taxpayers' money. I cannot understand how they've got away with it.' Recorder Mr Shamim Qureshi told the jury before they delivered their verdict: 'It is easy sometimes to think "What is this case doing at the crown court?"[Source: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1205035/Taxpayer-funds-20-000-court-case-prosecute-man-stealing-25p-banana--guilty.html#ixzz0NW2O66PT]

So to review, the British taxpayers spent the equivalent of 40,000 US dollars to try a man for stealing a fifty-cent banana. And he was acquitted. Wow. Way to go, Britain. I do believe that just earned you a slow clap.

L. Ron Hubbard apparently inspiration for "Accepted"

A report surfaced in The Times of London today suggesting that *gasp* scientology founder Lafayette Ron Hubbard (worst name ever?) may have lied about his education. I know. The idea that a science fiction writer who made up his own pay-religion (based on aliens) after his pyschotherapy theories were ridiculed by people with real degrees may have actually been a con artist? Sometimes the world is a surprising place.

Whitehall officials, keen to learn if Hubbard was truly a man of letters, asked the British Consulate in Los Angeles to investigate him. They sent an urgent confidential request asking whether he had founded the university, if the degree was self-awarded and what was the standing of the institution. “Grateful if you will make discreet and confidential inquiries and telegraph early reply,” said the author of a telegram from London. The answer came from Los Angeles on April 26, 1977: “After exhaustive enquiries we have now tracked down organisation named which was closed down by state authorities in 1971 and all documents impounded. The facts are that it neither has nor ever had approval and its status is not recognised in California . . . It is a ‘will of the wisp’ organisation which has no premises and does not really exist. It has not and never had any authority whatso-ever to issue diplomas or degrees and the dean is sought by the authorities ‘for questioning’.” The diplomat said that Californian authorities had voluminous files on the college. [Source: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/].

To be fair, all religions seem to pray on those weak individuals who want to escape the responsibility of thinking for themselves and avoid the concept that they will consciously cease to be upon death. And I say that as a practicing Catholic (so don't sent me your emails religious right). That being said though, I don't understand how stupid or lost one has to be to fall for this - the scamiest scam that ever scammed. For God's sake, people, he was a science fiction writer! I'm sure it had to have been tempting for the man. Sitting there at his book signings, nerd after nerd droning on and on about how his books are so much more than stories and how aliens really do exist. The lightbulb was bound to go off. You want to steal from the stupid? That's fine, you wouldn't be the first. But I take issue with your use of the word "science". Especially given your total rejection of all medical and psychological science. How dare you, sir.

Do I have a tumor?

...or has someone been slipping peyote into my coffee again? These are just some of the questions I asked myself this morning when I opened my email to find a link to the following article:

When you think of Harvard, fashion probably isn't one of the first associations that comes to mind. But now that the Ivy League University is cutting its teeth as a designer with a new men's clothing line called Harvard Yard, that may change. In what is perhaps the first non-fashion school to create a ready-to-wear line that's runway0worthy, Harvard has teamed up with "private label tailored clothing manufacturer Wearwolf Group, which has licensed the name from the school to produce a contemporary men’s wear collection based on classic Ivy League style," says Women's Wear Daily. [Source: www.blackbookmag.com].

Prices for pieces will apparently run from around $200 to $500, depending upon what type of overpriviledged pretentious douche you’d like to look like. This is a little depressing. I was supposed to head up Harvard way in a few weeks to check out their med school. Think I’ll skip it now. I mean, no rowing team is worth facing my Yaley friends with a boyfriend dressed in “Liberty print wovens”.

I think I'll keep to myself

I'm currently saving up to try and take a much-needed vacation back to Europe this fall and, because I've never before had the pleasure, I am really looking forward to seeing Athens and Santorini in Greece. Though slightly less now:

ATHENS, Greece — A Greek woman faces trial for allegedly setting fire to an amorous British tourist after drenching him with alcohol at a resort bar on the island of Crete. Police on Crete said the 26-year-old suspect was charged with assault Thursday. The victim, who has not been identified, was hospitalized with second-degree burns. The incident took place early Thursday at the rowdy Malia resort, which is popular with young Britons, after the 23-year-old tourist allegedly made crude advances on the local woman. The trial has been set for Friday in the city of Iraklio, in northern Crete. officials said. [Source:foxnews.com]

Given my love of harrassing bar skanks, it is in my nature to side with the victim (also due to my lifelong fear of burning alive). However, being a moderately attractive woman, I know how irritating - even scary - it can be when some over-sexual freak won't back off. Two weeks in Italy and I was turning into Ash from Army of Darkness ("The next one of you primates, even touches me..."). I suppose I would need some more information to really make a fair judgment here. Though I have to say that mace would likely have been a slightly more reasonable weapon. I don't think we need to biblically pwn some douche who's getting handsy. Still, I think I'll have to take this into account in terms of how I deal with the locals when I get over there. *Loads pistol*.

Time Magazine is dignified, respected

Time magazine has a history of sensationalizing every story that graces it's pages. Picking out small, seemingly inconsequential stories and blowing them up to hysterical proportions the way they did during "The summer of shark". But, thankfully, during these difficult economic times they've worked really hard to make sure and keep their reporting substantial and understated. Haha just kidding. Did you know that Americans are so fucking poor that they can't even dispose of their own family members' corpses?!?!?!

Have economic times gotten so bad that some of the dead are going unburied?[Ed. Note: No no they're not. Regardless of whether the family can afford it, the corpses are still buried] Several large counties across the country are experiencing unprecedented increases in the number of unclaimed deceased — not only because the dead person could not be unidentified, was indigent or was estranged from their family, but apparently because more people simply cannot afford to bury or cremate their loved ones. The phenomenon has led to increased costs to local governments that have to dispose of the bodies. [Source: www.time.com]

Well, I've got a shovel and a decent back yard. For an extra fifty I'll even tie some sticks into the shape of a cross. I can't be held responsible if animals get at the grave though. My arms are a little too weak to get more than three or four feet down (all of my strength is in my legs *grrr*). If the economy is this fucking bad though, why don't we just use these bodies to feed the homeless/unemployed? What? Apparently times are too tough to be sensitive.